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Excerpt from the Workbook
The Detachment Paradox – The Workbook is filled with exercises that will help you to transform your life both on and off the job. You only need to pick up the morning paper or turn on the evening news to know that stress-related health problems continue to rise as job satisfaction and productivity continues to dip. This workbook has answers to both of those problems. It is designed to lead you through activities that will help you to rediscover your personal life and to become a more objective and productive employee. You will become a healthier, less-stressed person who discovers that time does exist to pursue activities close to your heart. You will also become a happier, more productive and efficient employee.
Whereas the book, The Detachment Paradox, contains personal anecdotes and a thorough discussion of Anthony Zolezzi’s seven keys to detachment, this workbook is filled with hands-on activities designed to get you moving and working towards a better life. Zolezzi’s seven keys, converted here into thoughtful activities, allow you to implement changes in your life as soon as you put your pen or your pencil down.
The activities throughout this workbook are meant to be process oriented. They are meant to take some time. You won’t be able to do them all at once – you shouldn't if you can. Many of them will work better if they are allowed to simmer a little while. They will challenge your current mindset – and possibly cause some necessary discomfort – all while showing you how to take back the control in your life.
Understand that each time you finish an activity you will be one step closer to a rich and rewarding life. 
Is a repetitive cycle of stress, sleepless nights, and anxiety putting you in a funk?
Do you wonder why you never seem to feel rested? Have you ever gone home depressed and disappointed because your company or division didn’t meet its quarterly number?
Before you start asking your doctor for one of those calming prescription drugs advertised on TV, you might want to give some thought as to what is causing you to feel this way. Could the source of your problems be a series of control dramas that have been inflicted on you by your boss or the faceless corporate culture in which you work? Could another source be your corporation's constant reminder of their unreasonable bottom line and your inability to attain their “golden” number every few months?
Maybe it is a combination of the two that leaves you feeling like you have a constant low-level headache or that you are living in a “cloud of muck."
It’s time to realize that someone is attempting to control you—either through their own hidden agendas, or the corporation's constant brow-beating you receive in regards to the “numbers”. Once you step back and make this realization, you can begin to detach. You now have a personal mission to keep you grounded. Your mission will help you to see the control dramas and numbers games for what they are — arbitrary and manipulative.
In this section you will:
- Learn effective detachment methods
- Learn to detach from the "numbers game"
- Learn to detach from control
- Learn to stay focused on your personal mission
For a deeper discussion on these topics, refer to:
The Detachment Paradox, Exercises Three and Four—pages 61-100
The following exercises will help you put your detachment strategies to work.
1. Stay true to your personal mission.
Earlier, you spent a great deal of time working on your personal mission. Go back to the page
where you wrote the final version of your personal mission. Read it a couple of times. Now,
quickly list what you are working on at the office: ____________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
Are your tasks consistent with your mission? YES NO (circle one) If you circled yes, smile, take a deep breath and move on. If you answered no, take a moment and list specifically what diverts your attention.
_______________________________________________________________________
What can you do to move your attention back towards your mission? Maybe all you needed is a reminder to stay focused. Maybe someone is acting manipulative. Maybe it’s the numbers.
Let’s move on and see if any of the following exercises can get you back to your primary purpose—your personal mission.
2. Quit taking it personally.
Look at the organizational structure at the office. Who has the biggest impact on your psychological well being? Make a quick list of people around the office who impact your ability to get your work done.
______________________________________________________________________
Step back and look at him/her/them with objective eyes. What hidden agendas might they have? What insecurities do they harbor? Realize that their agendas and their insecurities are not yours. Detach emotionally from it. Silently empathize with them as people, remind yourself of your personal mission and remember why you are there.
3. Establish your own ‘performance criteria’ and rules of employment.
From your point of view, what is expected of you at the office? Make a list of your responsibilities.
___________________________________________________________________
What do you expect in return? ____________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Establish the limits of this work arrangement. Write your “contract” here: __________________
_________________________________________________________________________
Make a mental recording of this “contract” and stick to it as much as possible.
(See page 23 for a more thorough exercise in “creating” your own job description.)
4. Make sure you are rested and feeling good.
You achieve peak performance, which is what the company wants, when you make time for yourself. In the past 2 weeks, what have you done for yourself? _________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
Did you enjoy these moments? Did you get some exercise? Did you have some “down” time? If not, spend some time working on your schedule. Time for Yourself—Section 4 has activities that will help you prioritize your life and help you to create a reasonable schedule that benefits you. After you have worked on this schedule and you see what is important, don’t be shy about speaking up when you feel you’re being deprived of necessary rest or exercise. If you do, you’ll command respect. If you don’t, your own insecurity, lack of rest, and poor health will make it easy for others to control you.
5. Recognize attempts at control and use them to benefit you.
Who is “in charge” at your office? What types of things does this person do to keep the
employees—you—in line? List a few. _______________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Once you recognize these types of things, you can often use them to your advantage. Controlling individuals often like things “their way” so you can let them do it “their way”. Don’t worry if what they want seems like the wrong approach or isn’t up to your standards – remember, it’s their issue, not yours. Get your satisfaction elsewhere.
6. When you have to work over the weekend, make it on your terms.
You’ve just been called in and asked to work this weekend. You’d rather not, but your boss explains how important it is. How can you minimize the effect it will have on you?
- Assess the situation for what it is—an imposition—and don’t act as if this is something that’s now routinely expected of you.
- Clarify the time frame. Is it Saturday only? Mornings? Afternoons? All day? Don’t settle for the “couple of hours” answer. Have them give you a specific time.
- Clarify exactly what it is that you are needed to do?
- Be specific about your plans. You can work, but on your terms. You can work from 7 until noon. You have a family outing, but you can come in a bit early and take some work home. Next week, however, is out of the question. You have tickets for … Or, you have vacation plans with your wife…etc. Be flexible yet firm. By doing this, you show the boss you have an important life outside of work.
7. Make sure you’re given accurate and realistic time frames.
The next time you are given a deadline, ask a few questions.
- Is this deadline a calendar issue? Is a quarter coming to an end? Or some other specific time period set by the company?
- Who set the deadline? Is it your immediate boss?
You have probably dealt with many deadlines in the course of your career. You can probably recognize a reasonable one from an unreasonable one. When an unreasonable deadline comes your way, take it for what it is—unreasonable. This doesn’t mean you stop working. You still do your best, but you now understand that this deadline cannot be met and you won’t let it cause added stress. Remember, controlling people love to set unreasonable deadlines.
8. Keep everything in perspective.
So, you’re two weeks out from a major deadline. The stress starts building. A mental fog creeps in. What do you do? Are you afraid you won’t make the deadline? Do you have fears related to this project? Or your job in general? Write down some work fears/insecurities. _________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
Which of these fears/insecurities is being caused by someone else and their agenda?
__________________________________________________________________
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The ones you listed, you can do nothing about except detach. So, take a deep breath and remember your mission. You are not your job. Repeat the phrase—“I am not my job” at least three times. Look at the project with a fresh perspective and move on.
9. Be straightforward and honest with everyone.
Sadly, it is all too common to pick up the paper and see another headline about someone else who has been dishonest in the workforce. Has there been a time when have been asked to “fudge” the numbers or misrepresent something? Briefly describe this incident. _____________________________
______________________________________________________________________
What would have happened if you had been honest? Describe a possible scenario and relive this event
honestly. _________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
When a questionable incident arises, let it be known—politely, but firmly—how you feel. If nothing else, you will earn respect. Your candor, in fact, will help you become known as an individual who can be trusted. Above all, be honest with yourself. Truth is your best armor, especially in an office with manipulative management.
10. View the situation as you would a situation comedy.
You interact with a handful of people on a daily basis. Picture each one of these people and give them a new name—something that highlights an interesting/annoying characteristic about them. The screaming boss. The competitive coworker. The guy on the phone. The know-it-all. List your new characters using their new names.
________________ _________________ ________________
________________ _________________ ________________
Now that you have your characters, put them into some situations and imagine how they would act. You’ll find yourself amused at the absurdity of the control dramas you encounter. You will recognize the insecurities that go with them and actually empathize with the characters. One last thing, what would you name your show?
Coming this Fall on Detachment Network….
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Your Title Here
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